Hi everyone, I’ve finally finished watching Stranger Things Season 3, and I’ll be writing about that soon. In the meantime, the beautiful 80’s TV/movie references that were crammed into literally every shot of the season has inspired me to revisit some of my favorite 80’s fantasy films.
Let’s put a twist on this. A while back I came across the “Villain Tiers,” an internet meme that looks at how well-written different types of villains are. A fun villain can really make of break a story, so without further ado, let’s go through some vintage 80’s villains!
Sh*t Tier: Villains who are just evil or lust for power.
Queen Bavmormorda, Willow, 1988
Big Bad Bav, moments before she was, in fact, destroyed
Coming in at the lowest level of writing effort are villains who are evil because they want something. There’s a million and one characters who can fit into this tier, but the first one that springs to mind is the evil sorcerer-Queen Bavmorda, played by Jean Marsh, who must have had a lot of fun being as pantomine-villain as possible. There’s never an explanation for why Big Bad Bav is so evil, kids just need to know she wants that baby and it’s not to give it a good home.
Meh Tier: Villains whose motives are a mystery and seem almost insane at times
Vizzini, Princess Bride, 1987
I was almost going to go with Count Rugen, the Six-Fingered man, but I just can’t go past the famous Battle of Wits between Vizzini and the Dread Pirate Roberts. Vizzini is a Sicillian genius who has been hired to engineer a war between Guilder and Florin, which he considers to be “a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.” Vizzsini’s backstory and motivation is never actually covered, as the diminutive mastermind lets his arrogance get the better of him.
Mid Tier: Villains who are only obeying their nature and doing what they do to survive
Gmork, The Neverending Story, 1984
“I am the servant, of the power behind The Nothing. I was sent to kill the only one, who could’ve stopped The Nothing, I lost him in the Swamps of Sadness.”
Sometimes, villains are just bad because – they just are.
(Come on, you knew I was going to have a Neverending Story entry in here somewhere).
While it was never covered as much in the movie as in the book, Gmork is a shape-shifting, dimension-jumping creature whose race is bound to the will of the Nothing, the void that seeks to erase all light and life. While furry G doesn’t really stack up against modern sci-fi and fantasy villains, I remember having several nightmares involving him as a child. Gmork doesn’t have to have a reason for being evil. Gmork just is evil.
High Tier: Villains who are retaliating against misdeeds done to them. They may be seeking to change society as a whole.
SkekSil the Chamberlain, The Dark Crystal, 1982
Now we stat getting into the more interesting villains! How could I not mention SkekSil, the villain of The Dark Crystal? SkekSil is a wretched, yet almost understandable creature. Living for years in the court of the Skeksis, this wily figure had lied, connived and occasionally physically overpowered all his rival sin his quest to become the next ruler of the Crystal. However, when he over-reached and was beaten in the Trial By Stone, we saw a horrifying scene where he was stripped down and cast, mewling, into the mud outside of the castle.
This is not to say that he became a good figure – SkekSil is still absolutely creepy as hell, particularly in the way he pawed at the Gelfings trying to convince them to come with him. But the audience can at least understand the desperation SkekSil is acting under, scrabbling to regain all the power and position that was taken from him.
Great Tier: Reluctant villains who only do evil things because of the situation they find themselves in
Hoggle, The Labyrinth, 1986
Sarah: What kind of position is that?
Hoggle: NO position! That’s my point!
Some of the best villains are ones who you genuinely feel sorry for, the ones who you know deep down don’t really want to be hurting the people around them. Sometimes they’re being blackmailed, sometimes they feel they are serving a greater good, and sometimes…. they’re just as scared as the rest of us.
Hoggle, the goblin who guards the entrance to the Labyrinth in the movie of the same name, is a self-confessed coward, yet from the outset he does seem to be worried about Sarah, the heroine of the piece who is trying to undo her mistake in wishing her little brother away. However Jareth, the Goblin King, makes it clear to the small goblin that he will either betray the young girl or suffer the curse of a lifetime.
Hoggle begs his master again and again not to hurt “the little lady,” and it would’ve been great if Hoggle had tuned away from his task. However he didn’t, giving Sarah a poisoned piece of fruit that almost trapped her mind forever.
Why? Because he was scared. And while Hoggle redeems himself by standing up for Sarah at the critical moment, I couldn’t hate him, even when he betrayed Sarah, because being scared and weak is something that happens to all of us.
Elder God Tier: Villains whose motives are hard to find fault in, and arguably better than the hero’s.
Jareth the Goblin King, The Labyrinth, 1986
There is only one man with the confidence to wear pants that tight.
David Bowie was born to play Jareth the Goblin King, the villain who snatches babies and imprisons young girls. Yet if you were to ask any child of the 80s, most remember the Goblin King as being charismatic, funny, confident and mysterious.
We should hate him, but can’t bring ourselves to do so – a generation later this mantle would be passed to Loki in the Avengers series. Jareth is, surprisingly, true to his word. He only stole the baby after Sarah (sorta) asked him to do it, and (sorta) took care of the bub while Sarah was working her way through the Labyrinth. When Sarah was wishing to abandon a child, he was willing to take the child in.
Watching through the scenes again as an adult there is much more of a creepy abusive-relationship vibe to Sara and Jareth, as while he doesn’t direct hurt her he enjoys the power he has over her, and is happy to sabotage her whenever he can. His words at the end of the movie “Just fear me. Love me. Do as I say, and I will be your slave!” are those of a man who can be a monster to someone he loves.
Yet in the end, Jareth is true to his nature; only coming when called, taking care of a baby when its family wasn’t there for it, and doing everything he promised he would do.
Besides, who doesn’t love a villain who can sing?
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